Jennifer Esposito — The Bare Magazine

Jennifer Esposito has two wishes 1) for everyone to buy advanced tickets here to her film “Fresh Kills” opening in theatres June 14th. 2) to go on a vacation soon! Scroll down and read one of the most heartfelt, real, bare interviews we’ve had on Jennifer’s filmmaking journey and beyond. This interview really touched us and we hope you will read it and go see this incredible piece of work. Trailer below….

Fresh Kills - Written, directed and starring Jennifer Esposito

The Bare Magazine: What are your current three wishes for the film?

Jennifer Esposito: I wish it would sell out in every single theater all - weekend that’s it. to prove that independent films have a place, female driven films have a place. I think we're at a really vital time in our community, in our world, in our society, that art really needs a place to live. And usually that is in independent films and we need people to support that because I think people are craving some real human connection. And that's how you do that is through independent films. That's the heart of film.

That's one wish. But I would say that's all the wishes to be quite honest.

Bare: What is one of the biggest lessons you have learned from making the film?

JE: One of the biggest things I've learned from making Fresh Kills is I really can do anything I put my mind to. And I Believe that anybody can. I don't know if I would've believed that years ago because we look at the limitations in life and they could absolutely stop you in your tracks. But I just kept going.

This was one of the hardest things I've ever done, not the directing part of it. It was the nonsense part of it and the business of getting money and who means something and who doesn't and all-of the politics, but pushing it through is one of the proudest things I have ever done.

Bare: Please list a few highlights working with the amazing cast .

JE: Some highlights working with the cast has been allowing actors to really shine. And so many projects that I've worked on or that I see, it becomes about the shot or facilitating some big idea or lighting or special something in the world of the movie rather than really relying on your actors to let the characters speak and allowing the actors to really feel respected and safe enough to do such beautiful work. The actors in Fresh Kills are just extraordinary.

Bare: What has been a helpful piece of advice given to you about filmmaking?

JE: There's something that a producer and friend said to me when we were raising funds- it was very difficult to say the least. And she said to me, because she had just done this with her film, and she said to me, the reveal is painful. And that hit me like a ton of bricks. I will never forget that.

What she was basically saying was that people that you thought were in your corner or your friends or people that you've known in the business for along time, that literally with the ease of picking up the phone or putting their name on your project without asking for a penny, that could really change the game, won’t show up. And the reveal of that and where you really stand in people's lives is extremely painful to realize. And I have to say she was correct. She was really correct.

Bare: Can you share some of your wisdom to up and coming filmmakers?

JE: One of the best pieces of wisdom I can share for up and coming filmmakers is…it is so difficult. You have to tell your story. You have to make the film. There's no other way around it.

You have to be so driven and determined to tell the story that you are making because when the shit flies and it will- you have to understand why you're doing this. Because there are many times in Fresh Kills that I literally was in such a dark place because of what was going on around me with the business and the nonsense and just pushing this over the line, something that is beautiful. And I just kept saying, stay focused on the story and find an amazing producer. That's the other thing.

Bare: What are you looking forward to most in the next few weeks?

JE: This has been such a long journey. I don't even think it's really dawned on me that in this day and age, how difficult it is to make anything and then to get it made and to see it in a theater, I don't think it's really hit me yet, but that's pretty incredible.

Bare: When you watch the film, what hits you the hardest and deepest about it?

JE: Every time I watch the film and I've watched it a lot with many audiences through the film festival circuit, I always take a minute and check in with myself because it's very, very easy to get swept up in the day today and what we have to do next and blah, blah, blah. But I always take a minute to check in with myself and say, you wrote that. You wrote that that came out of you. What you are watching and what these people are experiencing, you created out of nothing out of an idea. It could literally make me cry now.

It was something that I've been thinking about for years and to see it come to fruition and all the hard work I paid off and to hear audiences be moved is something that I don't think I could explain.

Bare: What do you do to create some balance in your life and practice self-care when you can?

JE: None. I have no practices. I am a fucking disaster. I am a mess. I need a long vacation. I'm being really honest here. I don't have morning ritual. I'm not a ritualistic person.

I can't do anything for more than a good couple of days, maybe a week or so. This film has been my morning, noon, night, dinner, breakfast, lunch, my dreams, my sleep. This has been all consuming. I look like a disaster- and that’s just the sacrifice I chose to take on when I did this. I gave everything I had to this.

Yeah, need a vacation, that's for sure.

Bare: Can you share some info on the films merch you've created and a bit about your personal style, how it has evolved and makes you feel confident in your best?

JE: Great question. I think we as women are brought up to be cute and likable and kind and nice. And yes, you should always be kind, obviously, but it's more so with women that were pushed into a slot and this is exactly what the movie is about. It is less to do with mafia and it's more about this, everybody's born into some certain slot, whether that be poverty or wealth or alcoholism or generational trauma, whatever it is. But as women, we are really put into yet another box, which is supposed to be the good girl and then the good student and the good sister, and then the good girlfriend, and then the good lover and the good sexy, but not too sexy and nice, but not too nice and pretty, but not too pretty.

As you get older, it's supposed to be the good wife and the good mother and this and it never fucking ends. It just never ends. So my personal style has evolved into who I actually am, not positioned to look the right way for the-male gaze or for the world's gaze of what they think I should be.

Especially in a business that kept telling me I was too ethnic and I was too this and I was too that I remember I used to try and really, really curtail who I was in so many ways.

I tried to look very all American and it's just not me. I finally got to a place where I said, fuck it. I'm going to be exactly who I am. If it's a little masculine and if it's a little tough and it's a little street and if it's sassy and all these things that a little bold that I was told was a negative as a female.

And if that's what it is, then that's exactly what it is. I feel like I take that on in my style now and I feel comfortable in my body. I'm not doing it for anybody anymore.

At this stage of my life, I need to do the way I feel comfortable for me and that is what the merch represents. And I want to add Fresh Kills - name of the film - is on a a lot of the merch obviously but Fresh Kills was actually a place, it was a dump that I grew up around, but it also is the loss of innocence in the movie, but also what people don't know. Kills is also a Dutch word for a channel like a river that flows into a channel. And to me, Fresh Kills is about overcoming where you come from and to flow into where you need to go.

So when you wear the merch, you could be proud to know that it's about overcoming . I grew up around a dump and now my movie's coming out in the theaters.

That's a huge evolution.

Bare: Who are some of your heroes and icons that inspire you daily?

JE: Anyone who's living their authentic self. Anyone who's living in their authenticity. Anyone. I love seeing people who are authentically showing up bravely every day

in this world that basically tells you to stay down. If you are not the chosen few, you're supposed to stay down. That's just the truth. And anyone who goes against that and speaks up and speaks out and says, Nope, I want more and I deserve more and I'm going to make it better for me and my neighbor. I love all of those people. Those are my people.

Jennifer at one of our favorite Brooklyn pizza joints Dellarocco’s

Bare: Please list your top five bare essentials. They can be anything.

JE:

My dogs
Nature. Growing up in Brooklyn and Staten Island and then the city, since I was 18 years old, I got very used to concrete jungle. And I realized now by living by the beach halftime that I need nature. I need trees, I need grass, I need ocean. So that is huge.
The other thing I need is music. Music is really helps the soul.
I need to be creative. I realize that I cannot squash my creativity anymore. I can't squash it into roles that Idon't like and that really don't push me to do anything but show up and say words. That's just not me. I need to be creative. I need to be using all of my brain. I need to be-using all of my creativity.

And the fifth thing, I need I to be able to bring importance and some goodness to-this world. I need it. I need it. I need to inspire. I need to share what I've learned, which is why I teach, which is why I created the I'm sorry monologues, which is why I will continue to do those things throughout my career until the end of time because I need to connect with people through art. It's the simple, most single, most important thing I think we have in this world to connect to each other as human beings.